For me to live is Christ

Elaine and I have been memorizing Philippians this year.  I am behind schedule, and behind Elaine.  But we continue to press on, because hiding God’s Word in our hearts is important.  I have been reminded of that recently because He is using those verses that I am learning to comfort my heart and reassure me as I walk through some uncertain and sad waters.

I lived most of my life just thirty minutes away from my mom’s parents.  Grandma and Grandpa.  They were a part of everything – every birthday dinner, every piano recital.  Everytime I flew to college they came to say goodbye and press a $20 into my hand.  Every Christmas Eve we spent crammed into Grandma’s basement or living room with my crazy extended family singing carols, reading the Christmas story, and opening more presents than should be allowed.

Grandma is not doing well right now.  She went to the ER this week with intense abdominal pain and they found a hole in her small intestine.  They did an emergency surgery to remove part of her small intestine and colon.  The doctor did not expect her to make it out of surgery. But at 2 am I got the text that she had pulled through.

Now she is still in ICU.  Still not doing well.  Things are uncertain, and some family members are traveling home in case they need to say goodbye.

And all this time the Lord keeps giving me Philippians 1:20-24:

Phl 1:20-24 KJV - 20 According to my earnest expectation and my hope, that in nothing I shall be ashamed, but that with all boldness, as always, so now also Christ shall be magnified in my body, whether it be by life, or by death. 21 For to me to live [is] Christ, and to die is gain. 22 But if I live in the flesh, this is the fruit of my labour: yet what I shall choose I wot not. 23 For I am in a strait betwixt two, having a desire to depart, and to be with Christ; which is far better: 24 Nevertheless to abide in the flesh is more needful for you.

I want Grandma to “abide in the flesh.”  I love her.  But she has lived her life for Christ, and if He chooses to take her now, it will be her gain.  If she were alert I’m sure she would feel verse 23 – wanting to stay here with her family and her husband of 65 years.  But yet she desires to be with her Lord and free from pain.

I love you Grandma.