Today everyone is posting about how grateful they are for their fathers. And while I am certainly thankful for my father, and now my “bonus” dad – my father-in-law – today I wanted to talk about a different father. Someone that I could not do without – the father of my kiddos.
I don’t talk about Ben very much here on the blog. The kiddos pretty much get the spotlight. But today is Father’s Day, and I didn’t think I could let it slip by without bragging on the awesome dad that my kids have. Especially since I am missing him today, and Father’s Day is incomplete without him.
When we were dating, Ben asked me how many children I wanted to have. My reply was, “Eight.” I’m not sure what made that number come out of my mouth…I always hated babysitting and as a teenager was adamant that I didn’t want to have any snotty nosed kids. Maybe I was trying to scare Ben away, or see how serious he was about our relationship. But as it became clear that we were going to get married, we “decided” that we would “start” with five kids. I didn’t have any clue at that point what five kids entailed (or I may have stuck with my original plan of no kids), or if we would even reach our “goal.” Now, less than eight years later the birth of our fifth child is looming at just two months away.
But with each child we have added to our family I have been more and more thankful for the man I married and the father that he is becoming. The sermon this morning touched on how difficult it is to swim upstream and be the kind of leader at home and church that God requires. Especially with a strong-willed, stubborn woman like me at home, I know Ben has his work cut out for him. He’s not perfect – he would be the first to tell you – but he strives to follow God and lead his family in the right way.
These last couple of years haven’t been the easiest, but they have really made Ben shine even more in my eyes. First, we added twins to the family. While I know some dads who would hardly stoop to change a baby’s diaper, my husband was busy taking “first shift” for feeding, changing, and rocking two babies to sleep. (And he was good at it!) Many times he pulled an all-nighter at the 24 hour laundry mat so that I didn’t have to go the next day with four kids. He spends his Saturdays helping with the grocery shopping and catching up on housework. We make a pretty good team getting things done on bath night, too! This past week that he has been gone has made me realize how exhausting it is to do it all by myself!
And in addition to this crazy life of four small children and a fifth on the way, we live in a challenging urban setting and a small apartment with no private or quiet space. I don’t know how he studies or gets anything done. But through all of this Ben has managed to spend a year working two full time jobs – one as a contractor; the other a missionary on deputation. Many nights he has stayed up late (because that’s when the quiet finally comes) to sort through a call list. The next day he spends making calls on his “lunch break” to schedule meetings. And somehow he fits in ministry at our sending church, study time, one or two baseball games, and playing with the kids. He gives them a big part of every night, and it baffles me that he can accomplish anything else. (Or where he finds that energy at the end of a long day!) My kids have no idea how blessed they are that he comes home and devotes that time to them!
The year of working two jobs was hard. Then we gave up the “security” of a job and consistent income for life on the road. Life in full-time ministry. Full-time deputation has its own set of challenges. (You all thought we were just on a big vacation didn’t you?!?) Last month Ben made over 600 contacts between phone calls and emails in a 10-day period. He does almost all of the driving to get us from place to place, and then still finds the ability to get up early before all of us for his quiet time with God. He has taken the advice of other missionaries to keep the pace slow enough for his kids to handle. He has done a fantastic job of making deputation good for them – and not just pushing them along to get to each destination. He loads the car and unloads the car at each place. He sits in the room until the kids fall asleep in yet another strange environment. He lets them hijack the radio for their video instead of streaming the baseball game. He’s a good dad.
Yes, I think I married a pretty special man. When I was in conflict about my own call to the foreign mission field and God’s clear direction to marry this guy who wanted to stay in the United States, I remember speaking to my pastor’s wife about it. She told me something I have never forgotten. “When I knew I was supposed to marry my husband, I abandoned my own dreams and began to adopt his.” I’ve been dreaming New York City church planting with Ben for almost eight years. Now we are so close…we know the borough, the neighborhood, and we are almost halfway there on raising our support. Moving to the Bronx is so close I can taste it (it tastes like the best pizza and bagels in the world in case you are wondering), but I wouldn’t want to do it with anyone else.
I know I take Ben for granted too often. I’m sure my kids don’t know just how special their Daddy really is. But if he keeps on the same path – the path of leading his family in God’s Will for us, then they will find out one day. And when they do, I hope my sons become just like him, and I hope my daughters marry men like him.
These are a few of my favorite pictures that say my husband is also a father.
Happy Father’s Day Ben – from all of us!